‘A story shared by countless families’: American parents of addicted kids relate to the Reiners – but worry about stigma.

When news broke that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use fear the dialogue will focus on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”